


A Flame for Christmas

by SlantedKnitting



Series: gifts given [21]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Christmas Eve, Christmas Party, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Magic, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21676543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: It’s time for Gwaine and Morgana’s annual Christmas Eve party, and apparently Arthur wants to bring a date. Merlin isn’t sure why he should care. He definitely doesn’t care. At all.
Relationships: Gwaine/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: gifts given [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1172243
Comments: 51
Kudos: 329
Collections: Merlin Holidays 2019





	A Flame for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tygermine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tygermine/gifts).



> Thanks to S for the beta! Happy Holidays, tygermine!

**_ You are cordially invited to Morgana and Gwaine’s annual Christmas Eve party! _ **

Merlin scrolled through the website on his mobile, amused that the hosts in question had gone all out with their invitations this year. The site had several pages, including directions to their house, suggestions for which wines to bring based on the food they were planning to serve, and a large gallery of photos from previous years’ parties.

The photos, naturally, were cringe-worthy. The lighting was never good, and all the party-goers looked drunk. At least they proved the party would be a good time, Merlin supposed.

There were photos of the ugly sweater contest from the first year Morgana and Gwaine had thrown their party, back when they had been merely dating. There were photos of the year they had got engaged. There were photos of their first party as a married couple.

Through it all, in the background of what felt like every other photo, were Merlin and Arthur. Always together, always laughing at something, always gazing at each other as if they were completely unaware of the camera. Which, of course, they had been. They’d been distracted by each other, surprised when the flash went off, dissolving into a fit of giggles when they realised they were likely caught in the background of yet another photo.

They looked so ridiculous being caught together like that. Arthur always had the dopiest smile on his face, Merlin always looked enormously pleased, and the pair of them always made for the sappiest picture. Occasionally, there was a photo of Merlin holding out a hand, doing a piece of magic to Arthur’s delight, and those photos were even more ridiculous. Merlin’s eyes would be glowing, his mouth making some weird shape as he cast his spell, and Arthur would look totally rapt, drunkenly besotted with whatever simple magic Merlin was sharing. They always looked like they were in their own little world.

Merlin stopped scrolling through the photos and sent his RSVP—of course he’d be attending this year—before closing out of the site. He loved Morgana and Gwaine’s parties. They were such a good excuse to get drunk and indulge in the warm and fuzzy feelings of the season.

He wondered if he should try to find a date this year. He never had before, but it was always on his mind this time of year. Christmas just made him feel a little bit lonelier than usual. It was a time for friends and family and special relationships. He had plenty of friends, and he usually went to see his mum on Christmas Day, but he so rarely had anything beyond that.

Most of the time, it didn’t bother him. He was happy with his life. Sometimes, he used dating apps and went out with various men, and he always had a good time when he did, but it rarely led to anything more. He just hadn’t met anyone who could hold his attention. And normally that was fine. But Christmas, with all its allure, made him want more. It made him want company and intimacy and desire and sex. It made him want to love and be loved and find all the quiet moments to share with another person. It made him want to need someone and to be needed in return. It made him want everything.

It made his magic want, too. He loved sharing his magic, making someone smile with a simple trick, making a bad day better with some silly conjuring, making an ordinary moment into something extraordinary with just a wave of his hand. His friends loved his magic—Arthur especially, as the photos proved—but Merlin wanted someone he could really focus his magic on. Someone he could amaze and enchant and endear himself to. He wanted someone he could curl up on the sofa with and then use his magic to drape them in some warm blanket summoned from his bedroom. He wanted someone he could tease by slowly removing their clothes with his magic alone, drawing out the moment, making them feel his magic in a way no one else ever would.

When he couldn’t stop dwelling on the idea of finally finding someone to bring as a date to Morgana and Gwaine’s party, Merlin opened up Instagram and scrolled through photos of dogs until he came across something that was truly of interest.

It was a simple selfie, taken in what looked like a bathroom. The lighting was bright, the walls were blank, and there was a hint of what Merlin was pretty sure was a shower curtain in one corner. The caption read: **LAST PHOTO BEFORE MY SISTER RUINS MY LIFE**

Arthur had posted it. It looked like he’d just gotten out of the shower. His hair was wet and his shoulders were bare, leaving the rest of his probably naked body to the imagination. He was smiling, his upper teeth on full display, the wrinkles on the sides of his mouth more prominent than usual, his eyes crinkly and shining and devastatingly blue. He always looked so carefree when he smiled, like there was nothing in the world that could bother him, despite the photo’s caption.

The picture had only been posted 10 minutes ago, so Merlin closed out of the app and sent Arthur a text.

_What’s Morgana done to ruin your life this time?_

Arthur responded with a photo of himself frowning ridiculously, his lips stuck in an exaggerated pout. He was wearing a red and green striped pointy hat.

**She’s making me be an elf for one of her charity events**

Merlin snorted.

_Aren’t elves supposed to be short and cute?_

**Fuck you**

Merlin grinned and thought about Arthur fully dressed as an elf, probably doing something with children and making their day as they lined up to meet Santa. He’d probably complain to Morgana at every turn, but Merlin knew better. He knew Arthur would secretly love being surrounded by excited children and would cherish seeing their smiles and being part of their magical holiday season. Arthur was nothing if not a sap, although Merlin knew he would never admit it. He liked to think of himself as stoic, and Merlin was willing to play along with that illusion if it made Arthur happy.

Closing out of the text conversation, Merlin opened a game on his mobile and let his mind wander back to Morgana and Gwaine’s party. He didn’t need a date, he decided. He had Arthur, and he had the rest of his friends, and he was sure to have a lovely time as he always did.

~~~~

The next weekend, Merlin found himself at the usual pub with the usual crowd, having his usual Friday night. Morgana and Gwaine were there, plus Lance and Gwen, plus Leon and Mithian, plus Percy and Elyan. And Arthur was there, of course. He and Merlin were, as ever, the odd men out. They were the single friends, the ones without a constant partner.

Except, they had each other. They were as close as any of the couples, minus all the touching. Sort of. Arthur did have a habit of laying a hand on Merlin’s arm or his shoulder or, on occasion, his thigh. Sometimes, if they were all standing and crowded around the bar, Arthur would put his hand on the small of Merlin’s back and lean in close to whisper something in his ear. Always something stupid, something funny, something dirty about their friends or the hot bartender or some attractive patron or other. And Merlin, without fail, would blush and laugh and push Arthur away.

Really, there hadn’t been a Friday night without Merlin’s friends in ages. This was what they did, and Merlin only missed the pub if he was ill or out of town. He loved these nights and the camaraderie. He loved the beer and the laughs. He loved his mates, and they loved him, and Merlin knew he had a good life.

“Earth to Merlin,” Arthur said, clapping Merlin on the back and making him spill his beer a bit.

“Sorry. Zoned out.”

“What are you thinking about?” Arthur asked, leaning close to hear Merlin’s answer.

“What an idiot you are,” Merlin said easily.

Arthur laughed and scooted a bit closer in the booth, closing them off from the rest of their friends. “Were you fantasising about that guy over there?” he asked, gesturing towards another table.

Merlin looked over and caught a man staring at him. The man blinked at being caught, and then he offered Merlin a smile. Merlin returned it.

“You should go talk to him,” Arthur said, nudging Merlin’s side.

“No, thanks.” Merlin took a sip of his beer.

“Aw, why not? He might be nice. He certainly _looks_ nice. I bet he’d be up for a blowie in the loo.”

Merlin snorted. “That’s more your scene, isn’t it?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When’s the last time I hooked up with a stranger in a public place?” Merlin asked.

Arthur shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“The answer is never. When’s the last time _you_ did?”

Arthur grinned. “Point taken.”

“You’re welcome to him.”

Arthur glanced over at the man, and Merlin took a long gulp of his drink, imagining how the rest of the night would turn out. Arthur would get up and go over to the man, and Merlin would be treated to a master class on flirting, and then Arthur and the man would leave together. And Merlin would be left with the rest of his friends, truly the odd man out with no partner, no friend, no one to talk to except the happy couples. And then they’d all leave together, and Merlin would go home alone.

“He’s not my type,” Arthur said a few moments later.

Merlin couldn’t help but feel relieved. “Yeah, he’s out of your league.”

Arthur mimed stabbing himself in the heart. “Ouch, Merlin.”

“Just telling it like it is.”

Arthur chuckled and finished off his own beer. “Should I get another round, or are you leaving soon?”

“What does one have to do with the other?” Merlin asked.

“Don’t fancy going home alone tonight,” Arthur said, shrugging casually. “Figured I’d come over and annoy you until you kick me out.”

“And then what?”

“Then I’ll find a nice park bench and hope I don’t get shit on by the early birds.”

Merlin chuckled. “I’ll probably leave after this round. I’d invite you over, but you’ve already invited yourself.”

“Naturally.”

Merlin took a sip of his beer and glanced around the rest of the table. Percy and Elyan were talking to each other in low voices, probably planning their escape. Gwaine was harassing Lance over something he’d said to Gwen, and Gwen was laughing along. Morgana was sitting quietly, her eyes slightly unfocused but definitely gazing in Merlin and Arthur’s direction.

“All right?” Merlin asked her.

Morgana just smiled and turned away to focus on Gwaine’s razzing. Merlin went back to his drink, sipping at it and enjoying the way the man at the next table was still looking at him. It was nice to know he had options, if he ever chose to indulge.

“He seems really into you,” Arthur commented.

Merlin shrugged and drank the last of his beer, setting down the glass with a flourish. “Shall we?”

Arthur stood and Merlin scooted out of the booth behind him.

“Leaving so soon?” Gwaine asked, looking up at them.

Arthur slung his arm around Merlin’s shoulders. “Jealous?”

Gwaine just chuckled and waved them off. Arthur turned and, tugging Merlin with him, led the way out of the pub. Merlin spared one last glance at the man who had been eying him all night and felt a little thrill at the look on his face. He looked defeated, like he’d never had a chance, like he thought Merlin and Arthur were together.

They weren’t, of course, but Merlin knew what kind of picture they were painting.

“Did you get the invite?” Arthur asked, taking his arm back as they got outside.

“Hm?” Merlin asked, taking his hat out of his pocket and pulling it on.

“From Morgana and Gwaine. They have a whole website this year.”

“Yeah, I saw. You going?”

“‘Course. Are you?”

“Yeah.” Merlin tugged his hat over the tips of his ears and started off towards his block of flats. Arthur followed, humming quietly to himself.

They walked mostly in silence, with Arthur occasionally slipping into whistling instead of humming, and reached Merlin’s after ten minutes of walking.

“I assume you want another drink?” Merlin asked, unlocking his flat and letting Arthur in.

Arthur switched on the lights and yanked off Merlin’s hat before giving his hair an affectionate ruffle.

“Of course I want another drink,” he said, tossing Merlin’s hat on the kitchen island.

Merlin closed the door and went to his fridge, pulling out two beers and passing one to Arthur. Arthur took it and started gulping it down like it was his first drink of the night.

“Thirsty?” Merlin teased.

Arthur just grinned and pulled out his mobile.

Merlin sipped at his own beer, watching as Arthur opened up Spotify and searched for a playlist. This was how most of their drunken evenings together ended up: with Arthur curating a soundtrack as he bounced around Merlin’s living room like an idiot. He loved ‘dancing’, although to Merlin it looked more like pogo-sticking. Arthur didn’t have much of a sense of rhythm and even less of a sense of grace, so his dancing was always a bit hectic. He liked to jump up and down and make ridiculous movements with his arms and generally make a fool out of himself.

He never went out clubbing, so Merlin was usually the only one treated to such a show.

“TLC?” Merlin asked as ‘No Scrubs’ started playing.

“Fuck yeah.” Arthur wiggled his arse as he started gearing up for a raucous dance session.

“Your lucky my neighbours have never complained about the late night kangaroo in my flat,” Merlin said, chuckling as Arthur started bouncing on his toes.

“I’m sure they love it just as much as you do.”

“What makes you think I love this?”

“You’ve never stopped me,” Arthur pointed out. He turned up the volume and started rocking his hips side to side like a metronome.

Merlin smirked and watched for a few minutes, enjoying the music and the way Arthur had no sense of shame. When the song changed, Merlin set down his drink, magicked the music just a little bit louder, and joined Arthur, wiggling and jumping and having a stupid good time.

He did love nights like this. He couldn’t imagine any of his other friends doing this with him. He could barely imagine his friends doing this at all. No one besides Arthur seemed to have such a sense of abandon. Percy and Elyan were too proper, Gwaine was too preoccupied with Morgana, Gwen and Lance were too shy. Maybe Leon and Mithian would indulge in some dancing, but, really, it was only Arthur who seemed capable of losing himself like this. And it was only Arthur who made Merlin feel he could do the same. He knew Arthur wasn’t going to make fun of him, wasn’t bothered by his jerky movements, didn’t care that he was inept at dancing, wasn’t actually paying him much attention at all.

Eventually—Merlin had no idea how much time had passed—all of Merlin’s beer had been drunk and he and Arthur sweatily collapsed on the sofa, still listening to the playlist.

“I need a shower,” Arthur said, wiping off his forehead.

“You know where the towels are,” Merlin said, a bit breathless.

Arthur chuckled and turned down the volume on his mobile. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“Why weren’t you interested in that guy at the pub?”

Merlin closed his eyes and focused on catching his breath. In truth, he didn’t have much of an answer. He did want to find someone, and he had been using his dating apps a little more often than usual, but he hadn’t made any actual efforts to meet anyone yet. The man at the pub had been kind of gorgeous, but Merlin just hadn’t been interested. He’d been with his friends, and they were more than enough good company and entertainment for the evening.

“Merlin?”

Merlin opened his eyes and cleared his throat. “Yeah. I don’t know. Guess he wasn’t my type, either.”

“Hm.” Arthur yawned and turned on the sofa, resting his head on a pillow and setting his feet in Merlin’s lap. “Mind if I crash here?”

“No.”

Merlin set about untying Arthur’s shoelaces and then retying them together so Arthur would fall over when he tried to stand up. He liked it when Arthur stayed over at his flat. That meant that in the morning, they’d go to brunch together and then probably the cinema and then probably dinner. They’d spend the whole day together, just the two of them, hungover and exhausted and unwilling to spend energy on being with anyone else.

“Hey,” Arthur said tiredly. “That’s mean.”

Merlin pushed Arthur’s feet off his lap and stood, yawning. “I call dibs on the shower.”

Arthur kicked off his shoes, each one hitting Merlin in the back of the knees, and curled onto his side. “‘Kay. Wake me up when you’re done.”

Merlin murmured his agreement and went to shower as quickly as he could, wanting to face plant into a pillow as soon as humanly possible. He washed himself briefly, mostly just rinsing off the sweat from all the dancing, and then dressed in boxer briefs and a t-shirt.

He went back out to the living room and found Arthur still curled up on his side, fast asleep. Merlin turned off the music playing from his mobile, switched off the lights, and went to his room to crawl into bed.

~~~~

**You’re welcome**

Merlin stared at the text message from Morgana, nonplussed. He had no idea what he was supposed to be grateful for. He hadn’t seen or talked to her since the pub on Friday night, and nothing of note had happened there, either. Maybe she meant to send the message to someone else.

_???_

A moment later, Merlin’s mobile rang. Morgana’s face popped up on the screen and he answered the video call, still wildly confused.

“Hey,” he said, sitting down on his sofa and holding the mobile up in front of his face. “What’s going on?”

“I just saved your butt, that’s what.”

“I wasn’t aware my butt needed saving.”

Morgana smirked. “You never are.”

“So… are you going to explain to me what this is about or leave me in the dark?”

Morgana gave him a long look, and Merlin pulled a face.

“I just convinced Arthur not to bring a date to the Christmas party.”

So many thoughts—too many thoughts—whirled through Merlin’s mind. Who would Arthur bring to the party? He hadn’t mentioned he was seeing anyone. Why would Morgana stop him from bringing a date? Why would she think Merlin cared? Why did she think Merlin would be grateful? Did she think she was doing him a favour?

“So, like I said, you’re welcome.”

Merlin licked his lips. “Am I supposed to be thanking you or something?”

“Oh, please,” Morgana said, rolling her eyes. “We all know how you feel about Arthur.”

Merlin frowned. “What, that he’s an idiot?”

“That, too. Mostly I meant the part where you’re in love with him.”

Merlin had to laugh. “I’m not in love with him. What ever gave you that idea?”

Morgana gave him a pitying look that Merlin did not appreciate. “Just everything about the two of you.”

Something in the way she said it, like it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world, made Merlin’s insides squirm. He knew how they must look to outsiders—always together, sometimes touching, obviously close, constantly smiling—but it was just an illusion. They were friends and nothing more.

“God, you’re impossible,” Morgana complained. “Is this what it’s like inside your head? Is that why you’ve never made a move on him? You’re too far in denial?”

“I’m not—” Merlin sighed and shook his head. “Look, I don’t know why we’re having this conversation, but I’m not in love with your brother, and I really couldn’t care less if he brings someone to the party.”

“Let me level with you Merlin. I’m sick of watching the two of you be together without being _together_. The sexual tension is a fucking nightmare. Everyone can see it, and it’s a bloody wonder the two of you haven’t figured it out yet.”

“I…” Merlin trailed off, flummoxed as to how he was supposed to respond to any of that. Finally, he decided on, “Why are you suddenly bringing this up now? I’ve been friends with both of you for years. Surely this would have come up earlier if anything you were saying were actually the case.”

“Because neither of you ever threatened to bring a date to my party before, and that’s as good a reason as any to finally knock your heads together.”

“You didn’t have this conversation with him, did you?” Merlin asked, mortified.

“He’s too thick to listen to anything I have to say,” she said dismissively. “I learned that years ago. I still have hopes for you, though.”

“I don’t…” Merlin sighed, terribly confused by this whole interaction. “I really don’t know what you want me to say to any of this.”

“I want you to say that my party is your deadline.”

“Deadline for what?”

“For confessing your feelings or jerking him off—whatever your goal is. Either you do it before the party or you do it _at_ the party, but that’s it. Midnight on Christmas Eve is the deadline, and if you don’t do it then you move the fuck on.”

“Move on from what?” Merlin asked flatly.

Morgana rolled her eyes again. “Fine. Keep playing this miserable game with him. I’ll talk to you later. Gwaine’s about to play Santa.”

“Is that, like… some kind of kink you guys have, or…”

Morgana stuck her tongue out. “Very funny, Merlin. I’ll see you next week.”

Morgana ended the call, and Merlin set his mobile down on the sofa, replaying their conversation in his head.

What did she mean by ‘everyone can see it’? What could everyone see? And who was everyone? What exactly had Merlin and Arthur failed to figure out?

Merlin didn’t have some deep dark secret feelings for Arthur. They’d been friends for too long for that sort of drama. If anything were going to happen between them, it would have happened long ago. They were just friends. Best friends, sure, but nothing more.

And so what if Arthur had wanted to bring a date to Gwaine and Morgana’s party? It was really none of Merlin’s business. Arthur was a free agent, and he was at perfect liberty to date whoever he damn well pleased. So was Merlin. As a matter of fact, maybe Merlin really would find a date to bring to the party. That would show Morgana.

The scene played out ridiculously in Merlin’s head, though. He and Arthur would both show up to the party with dates, and then what? They’d get distracted by each other as they always did, and their poor dates would be left to fend for themselves.

Maybe it was actually for the best that Morgana had stopped Arthur from bringing someone. Maybe Merlin shouldn’t bring anyone, either. Maybe they shouldn’t rock the boat. The party had always gone off without a hitch before, what would be the point of adding something new to the mix after so many years? It would only lead to awkwardness.

No, Merlin decided. He didn’t need to bring anyone to the party.

~~~~

Friday night found Merlin back at the pub, surrounded by friends and sitting, of course, next to Arthur. They were talking about the film they’d gone to see the weekend before, recounting the plot for the rest of the group and saving them the trouble of going to see it themselves.

“Sounds boring,” Gwaine said, interrupting Arthur’s retelling of the film’s climax.

“You’re boring,” Arthur said smoothly before finishing his summary.

“You know what we should talk about,” Gwaine said, barely waiting for Arthur to finish his last sentence before changing the subject. “Arthur’s latest Instagram post.”

“What about it?” Arthur asked, but Merlin could see him turning distinctly pink.

“Who exactly was that for?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin pulled out his mobile, sure they couldn’t be talking about the photo Arthur had posted earlier that week of the view from his office window.

“For you. Didn’t you enjoy it?”

“Nearly lost my lunch.”

Merlin opened up the app and searched for Arthur’s profile, finding that Arthur had posted something that afternoon. He clicked on it and found himself staring at a fully shirtless Arthur.

It was another selfie, and it looked like Arthur had taken it while lying down in bed. His entire torso was on display, as well as the top few inches of his red pants. He looked tanned and muscular. He was staring directly into the camera, not exactly smiling but not frowning either. His hair looked soft, and his eyes were—well, they were heavy-lidded but piercing, soft but laser focused, dark and distinctly bedroom-esque.

It was a very sexy photo, and Merlin immediately understood Gwaine’s question. There was no way Arthur had posted this for his friends. It was for someone else. It was for whoever he had wanted to bring to Gwaine and Morgana’s party. It was for whoever he was secretly dating.

The caption just said: **#bored**

“Don’t look at that,” Arthur said, laughing and covering Merlin’s mobile with his hands.

“You posted it publicly,” Merlin protested, passing his mobile to Percy so he and Elyan could have a look.

“No one wants to see that, Arthur,” Morgana said.

“Haven’t you heard of DMs?” Gwen asked, peering over Elyan’s shoulder at the photo.

Arthur reached across the table and snatched Merlin’s mobile back before it could make the rounds to Leon and Mithian.

“Are you seeing someone?” Lance asked.

“No,” Arthur said firmly. He glanced down at the photo and then gave the mobile back to Merlin. “I just—I was bored! I was bored, and I took a photo. Is that a crime?”

“It is when you look like that,” Gwaine said, nodding towards Arthur’s chest.

“Hey.” Morgana snapped her fingers in front of Gwaine’s face. “You’re ogling the wrong Pendragon.”

Gwaine sniggered and wrapped his arm around Morgana’s shoulders, pulling her close.

“Yeah, eyes off the goods,” Arthur teased.

“When you post that shit publicly, I’m allowed to look,” Gwaine protested. “As are we all.”

“You’re the only one bringing it up,” Arthur pointed out.

“Did you really think you could post that and _not_ have Gwaine bring it up?” Morgana asked.

Arthur chuckled. “Fair point.”

“Excuse me,” Merlin said before getting up and heading to the loo. He locked himself in a stall and pulled out his mobile, staring down at Arthur’s photo.

Arthur said he wasn’t seeing anyone, but there had to be some kind of purpose to the photo other than being bored. He must have wanted someone to see it. To see _him_. To see him in all his half naked glory, with his bedroom eyes and his red pants and his soft hair.

It was a side of Arthur Merlin had never seen before, and it was jarring to suddenly see it this way, posted so publicly and casually as if it were perfectly normal to share such a private moment with the world.

Merlin couldn’t imagine posting anything similar on his own account.

Maybe Arthur had been drunk and thought it was a good idea at the time and forgot to take it down afterwards. Except it had only been posted a few hours ago, and Arthur hadn’t been drunk when he arrived at the pub.

Heaving a sigh, Merlin forced himself to put away his mobile. He relieved himself in the stall, reading the graffiti on the walls and trying to put the moment behind him.

For whatever reason, though, he couldn’t seem to. He was stuck on that photo and Arthur’s insistence that he wasn’t seeing anyone.

He had wanted to bring someone to Morgana and Gwaine’s party, though. And he had posted a really provocative photo.

He was seeing someone. He had to be. He was denying it for some reason, but it was obvious.

Merlin didn’t know why he couldn’t just come out and admit it. Arthur had never been shy about his love life before. Why was now suddenly so different? Maybe he liked the guy more than usual. Maybe he was trying to take it slow, take it more serious.

Merlin washed his hands and went back to the table.

“All right?” Arthur asked as Merlin sat down.

“All right. I think I might head out early. I’m getting a headache.”

“Oh.” Arthur looked disappointed. “Can I walk you home?”

“No,” Merlin said quickly. “I’m fine. It’s not far. I just need to get some sleep.”

He stood and said his goodbyes, and then he hurried out of the pub and back to his flat.

When he got home, Merlin sat himself on his sofa and opened up the dating apps he had on his mobile. He swiped and scrolled and messaged and chatted and scrolled and swiped some more, distracting himself with local available men until his eyes were crossing.

~~~~

The next week, Merlin skipped out on pub night in favour of going on his first date in several months.

The guy was nice. He was tall and built and pretty funny. He had nice eyes and a nicer smile, and he seemed into Merlin. He was interesting and kind and good at keeping up a steady conversation over their meal.

He was everything Merlin could have asked for in a date, but Merlin was restless. He kept thinking of his friends at the pub, enjoying their usual Friday without him. He imagined Arthur chatting easily with Percy and Elyan, with Lance and Gwen, with Leon and Mithian. Maybe he’d get off a few discreet texts to his secret boyfriend. Maybe he’d even leave early and meet up with the guy for a late night tryst. Maybe they’d dance together in Arthur’s living room, drunk and delightful.

“Merlin?”

Merlin looked up from his plate to see his date giving him a concerned look. He’d zoned out.

“Sorry,” he said, offering a smile. “I…”

“You seem distracted.”

Merlin forced himself to keep smiling. “No, just… just tired, I think.”

They sat in silence for a long moment, and Merlin realised he was ruining their date. Here he was with a perfectly pleasant and attractive man, and all he could think about was Arthur.

“Sorry,” he said, running his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry. It’s not you.”

“Good. Anything I can help with?”

“No, just…” Merlin sighed. “It’s my best mate,” he found himself saying. “He’s got this secret boyfriend, and I don’t know why he won’t just admit it to me. I think they’re together right now, and I’m just… annoyed, I guess.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Merlin’s date said.

“Yeah. Well.” Merlin poked at his food, wondering what was wrong with him. He was ruining a perfectly good time all because Arthur was asking for a bit of privacy.

Merlin held out his hand, palm up, and conjured a small flame.

His date just blinked at it. “Oh,” he said mildly. “You didn’t mention you have magic.”

“Yeah,” Merlin said, feeling empty.

“That’s cool.”

Merlin licked his lips, disappointed in the reaction and disappointed in himself for wanting something more.

He ended the date early, paying for both of their dinners, and went home to sulk. The date hadn’t been a total disaster, but it certainly hadn’t been his proudest moment.

When he reached his flat, he went straight for his bed and collapsed on it, kicking off his shoes and getting under the covers fully dressed. He felt pathetic.

Merlin pulled out his mobile and found that he had a text message. From Arthur.

Heaving a sigh, he opened it and saw that it was a photo of everyone at the pub. Arthur had taken a selfie with the group and sent it to Merlin. He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

_Thanks_

Arthur’s response came almost immediately.

**How’s the date?**

_Fine. I’m home now. How was the pub?_

**Still here. You should come!**

_Too tired_

**Can I come over and keep you up past your bedtime?**

Merlin turned off his mobile and went to take a shower. He knew Arthur hadn’t meant anything by the text. He knew it. He knew it so hard that it hurt.

He didn’t know why it was bothering him so much. Why couldn’t Arthur maintain a simple boundary? Surely he could direct his flirtatious energy at someone else for once. His secret boyfriend, for example.

Merlin knew Arthur was probably just trying to be funny. He certainly wasn’t trying to hurt Merlin. He probably thought his message would be received the same way he sent it—with a laugh. But Merlin wasn’t in the mood.

He stayed in the shower for a long time, washing off the bad date and the guilt and the overwhelming urge to ask Arthur over to cheer him up. And when his fingers were good and wrinkly from standing under the water for too long, Merlin wrapped himself in a towel and camped out on the sofa for the rest of the night, watching telly and resolutely thinking of nothing.

~~~~

Merlin arrived at Morgana and Gwaine’s early, armed with four bottles of wine and just enough courage to blurt out, “Can we talk?” as soon as Morgana opened the door.

So Morgana led him inside, deposited his wine in the kitchen, and escorted him up to her and Gwaine’s room. Merlin sat on the edge of the bed and tried not to squirm as Morgana stared at him. She was standing by the bureau, her arms crossed and her gaze set on him.

“How was your date last week?” she asked when Merlin said nothing to start the conversation.

“Good until I ruined it by thinking about Arthur.”

Morgana’s expression softened a little. “Merlin.”

“I genuinely did not have feelings for him before your stupid FaceTime call, and I want you to know that I blame you entirely for how miserable I’ve been this past week.”

Morgana came to sit next to him. “I think we both know that first part’s not entirely true.”

“Maybe not,” Merlin admitted with difficulty. “But it was… deep, _deep_ down inside me, and I would have been perfectly happy to let it stay there forever.”

“Really?”

Silence stretched between them, and Merlin knew she was right. Arthur was the best part of his life, and no one else ever would have made him as happy. Maybe Merlin would have tried for years and years, wasting time and energy on all the wrong men.

“So… what am I supposed to do, just blurt this all out under the mistletoe or something?”

“Could work.”

Merlin sighed, and Morgana patted him on the knee.

“You’re thinking too hard. Just tell him how you feel and take it from there.”

“What if…” Merlin trailed off, not wanting to give voice to his fears.

He had run through so many scenarios on his way over, and he knew how the night was going to turn out. Inevitably, Arthur would turn him down, Merlin would leave the party early and hit up the pub on his way home, treating himself to the most expensively whisky they had. And then he would go to bed and wake up on Christmas miraculously cured of his newfound feelings for his best friend.

“What if all your wildest dreams come true?” Morgana asked. “All I can say is—please don’t fuck on my bed.”

Merlin had to laugh. “I very much doubt there’s going to be any risk of that.”

Morgana leaned in and kissed Merlin on the cheek. “You’ll be fine, Merlin. Arthur’s not a monster. Just have a rational conversation and go on from there. And remember what I said.”

“About what?”

“Midnight.” Morgana tapped her wrist as if she were wearing a watch. “Before you turn into a pumpkin. And, speaking of pumpkins, would you like some pie? We can break into your wine as well.”

Merlin agreed and followed Morgana back into the kitchen.

~~~~

The party started off pleasantly. Gwaine’s mates from uni were the first to arrive, each one more rambunctious than the next, and Merlin spent the first hour or so being treated to stories of Gwaine’s more unhinged days. He had heard them all before—they were staples of every Christmas Eve party—but he still enjoyed them. He liked watching Morgana pretend to be shocked and Gwaine pretend to be embarrassed and Gwaine’s mates pretend to be disgusted by Gwaine’s domestic lifestyle. It was all very festive.

Then some of Morgana’s coworkers arrived, and Merlin started in on his second glass of wine.

His own friends were among the last to arrive, fashionably late as always. Leon and Mithian came in carrying some kind of casserole. Gwen and Lance showed up with not only wine but also vodka and what looked suspiciously like a watermelon. Then Percy and Elyan arrived, which left only Arthur.

He finally showed up nearly two hours late, looking like he’d already had quite a bit of wine.

“Hey!” he said as soon as he saw Merlin. He pulled him in for a long hug, and Merlin had to be careful not to spill his drink.

“Hey! Where’ve you been?”

Arthur brushed off the question, and Merlin imagined he had been with his secret boyfriend, probably fucking each other’s brains out or at least having a very nice holiday dinner together.

Merlin followed Arthur into the kitchen and watched as Arthur got himself a plate of cookies and pie slices and a very full glass of wine.

“You made it,” Gwaine said from where he was standing near the fridge. He had Lance and Gwen’s vodka bottle upturned over a watermelon.

“What are you doing?” Arthur asked around a mouthful of cookie.

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you’re making a very seasonably inappropriate snack,” Merlin commented.

Gwaine just smiled and flicked the vodka bottle. “Jealous?”

“Let me know when it’s ready,” Arthur said. “Come on, Merlin, let’s go mingle like the well-adjusted adults we are.”

Merlin followed Arthur out of the kitchen and into the living room, where they stood in a corner by themselves and cleared off Arthur’s dessert plate. Some of their friends wandered over to say hello but never stayed long, and Merlin found himself stuck in the same pattern he’d always been in—glued to Arthur’s side and completely oblivious to his surroundings.

Arthur was drunk but in a hilarious mood, and Merlin was having a genuinely good time when he caught Morgana’s eye from across the room. She tapped her wrist, and Merlin pulled out his mobile to see that it was past 10 o’clock.

He still had almost two hours.

Two hours before he had to ruin his life and his best friendship.

He put his mobile away and held his hand out, conjuring a small flame to distract himself.

Arthur’s whole face lit up. He took Merlin’s hand gently, holding it up to his face to get a better look.

Merlin’s heart clenched. That was the reaction he wanted. His magic pulsed, making the flame bigger, and Arthur grinned.

All Merlin wanted to do was pull Arthur in for a kiss.

“Arthur, I need to talk to you,” he said in a rush, closing his hand and extinguishing the flame.

“What’s up?”

“Not here.”

Arthur frowned but followed Merlin up the stairs and into Morgana and Gwaine’s room without question.

“What’s up?” Arthur finally asked as Merlin closed the door. The sounds of the party got muffled, quiet, leaving the two of them alone with no distractions.

“Your sister,” Merlin blurted out. “She… she said you wanted to bring someone to the party.”

“Oh.” Arthur shrugged. “Yeah, I was thinking about it, but I never found anyone. She suggested I shouldn’t, for tradition’s sake. Which is some real nonsense, but that’s Morgana for you.”

He hadn’t found anyone—Merlin replayed that thought in his head until it barely sounded like words anymore.

“But you—the photo…”

“Could we _please_ drop the photo?” Arthur asked, grimacing.

“And you were late,” Merlin said desperately.

“Late for what?”

“The party. I thought you were with your boyfriend.”

Arthur just stared at Merlin. “What boyfriend? How much have you had to drink?”

“Not enough,” Merlin muttered. “Look, I…” He took a deep breath and forced himself to meet Arthur’s confused gaze. “I thought you had a boyfriend, and I got irrationally jealous, okay?”

“Okay,” Arthur said slowly. “And… that’s what you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Yes! God, you’re an idiot sometimes.”

“Hey!” Arthur protested. “I’m just trying not to jump to conclusions, because it sounds like…” He paused and licked his lips. “It sounds like you’re saying you—”

A long moment passed between them, and Merlin didn’t look away.

“Yeah,” he finally said. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Arthur gave a hesitant smile. “Yeah?”

Merlin nodded, trying to come up with anything else to say.

“I can’t stop thinking about you, either,” Arthur said, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re very distracting.”

Merlin tried to laugh, but it came out sort of strangled. “You…”

“Yeah.”

Merlin took a deep breath and a step forward. Arthur didn’t move away.

“Okay, let me just try to summarise this because I feel like we’re doing a bad job of actually saying words right now.”

“Fair enough.”

“I… I’m saying that I—I have feelings for you.” Arthur nodded. “And you’re saying that you also have feelings for me.” Arthur nodded again. “And… now we… both know. That.”

Arthur chuckled and closed the distance between them. “Yeah,” he said, his breath ghosting across Merlin’s lips. “Now we both know that.”

Merlin tried to breath, but he knew they were on the edge of something. They were about to cross a line they would never be able to uncross.

“So, what do we… do? Now?”

“I can think of a few things.”

Merlin started to laugh, and then Arthur kissed him. It was short, simple, close and warm and perfect.

“I posted that Instagram photo for you,” Arthur said, not really pulling back.

Merlin snorted. “Why?”

“I was trying to seduce you.”

“By putting a topless photo of yourself on social media for everyone to see?”

“I didn’t say it was a smart idea.”

Merlin chuckled and took a deep breath, daring to reach out and hold Arthur’s hands.

“Are you sure you like me?” Merlin asked. “You’re not just drunk?”

“I’m drunk because I like you.”

“That makes sense.”

Arthur grinned and pressed a sweet kiss to the corner of Merlin’s mouth. “I was worried you were going to show up with your date from last week.”

“So you got drunk?”

“Again, didn’t say it was a smart idea.”

Merlin smiled. “No, you certainly didn’t.”

“So, yes—I’m sure. Are you sure?”

“Like, _deeply_ sure.”

“Can I kiss you again? I should have asked before.”

“I would have thought you were joking,” Merlin admitted. “But you can. Kiss me again, I mean.”

Arthur exhaled and closed his eyes, and Merlin watched as he moved in closer. Then he closed his eyes and let it happen. He let Arthur’s lips touch his own, he let Arthur’s tongue into his mouth, he let his hands wander into Arthur’s hair, he let Arthur’s hands hold onto his back, he let their bodies press tightly together, he let it all happen.

He let his magic get in on the action, too. He let it embrace Arthur and curl around his neck and then up the back of his shirt. Arthur shuddered and groaned, pulling Merlin closer, and Merlin lost himself in it.

“NO FUCKING ON MY BED,” Morgana shouted from the hallway, banging on the door.

Arthur broke the kiss, chuckling. “Why does Morgana think we’re fucking on her bed?”

“Because I talked with her about this before the party.”

“And you told her we were going to fuck on her bed?”

“No, I promised we wouldn’t.”

“Should we leave, then?”

Merlin grinned and pressed a long kiss to Arthur’s lips. “If you like.”

“Come on.” Arthur took of Merlin’s hands. “Let’s go have a dance party.”

With that, he opened the door and led Merlin past a smug-looking Morgana, down the stairs, and outside.

~~~~

Despite all the alcohol he’d had, Merlin was still a little stunned by how cold it was when he and Arthur came outside. He pulled on a hat and re-wrapped his scarf, but it didn’t help. The wind was whipping harshly across his face, and he ducked his head against it as they headed towards his flat.

“Cold?” Arthur asked, wrapping an arm around Merlin’s shoulders.

“Are you not?”

“No, because I’ve got body fat.”

Merlin sniggered and shoved his elbow in Arthur’s side. Arthur chuckled, low and mischievous, and pulled Merlin in for a long kiss. Merlin leaned into it, loving how warm Arthur’s skin was.

Someone catcalled them, and Arthur broke the kiss, laughing. Merlin grinned and grabbed Arthur’s hand, tugging him along and wanting to get out of the cold and into his flat with Arthur as soon as possible.

When they finally reached Merlin’s flat, Arthur immediately took out his mobile and started up a playlist. It was Christmas music, nice and warm and sweet, but Arthur still started dancing as if he were playing a real banger.

“You’re ridiculous, did you know that?” Merlin asked, stripping off his outer layers before joining in.

Arthur took Merlin’s hands in his and pulled him closer until they were pressed together, swaying to their own rhythm. Merlin hooked his chin over Arthur’s shoulder and closed his eyes, holding onto the moment. He couldn’t believe the night had gone his way, he couldn’t believe he was dancing _with_ Arthur, he couldn’t believe he had the option to press a kiss to Arthur’s neck. He did so, and Arthur tilted his head the other way, giving Merlin permission to continue.

Merlin kissed along Arthur neck, moving up to his jaw, and then his ear. Arthur held him close, getting his hands under Merlin’s shirt and pressing his warm fingertips to Merlin’s bare sides. Merlin sighed and licked across Arthur’s neck before attaching his lips to that spot and sucking. Arthur huffed, his hips pushing forward, and Merlin continued until Arthur guided him away.

“You’re lucky it’s scarf season,” Arthur said, his voice low and rumbly. Merlin shivered a little at that voice, realising he’d never heard it before, realising he had access to a whole other side of Arthur now.

Merlin kissed Arthur roughly, grabbing hold of Arthur’s shoulders and guiding him back until they knocked into a wall. Merlin straddled one of Arthur’s legs and ground down, seeking friction. Arthur hummed and got his hands on Merlin’s arse, pulling him against himself. They ground together, ignoring the music, until Merlin was hard and panting. He reached between them, eager to feel Arthur responding in kind, and found himself disappointed.

“Sorry,” Arthur breathed, colour high on his cheeks. “I might be… a bit drunk for that.”

Merlin smirked and turned his hand around, pressing a palm to himself and trying to take the edge off.

“I’m happy to help you out though,” Arthur said, reaching for Merlin’s flies.

“No,” Merlin said quickly, stepping back.

Arthur looked confused, almost offended. “Oh,” he said quietly. “Okay.”

“Hey.” Merlin stepped closer again and kissed Arthur’s pout. “I want our first time to be _our_ first time, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed with a small smile. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Do you want to go to bed?”

Arthur nodded, and Merlin used his magic to shut off the playlist. He guided Arthur down his hallway, and Arthur collapsed onto the bed as soon as Merlin had pulled back the covers.

“Do you want pyjamas?” Merlin asked, chuckling.

Arthur just groaned in response, and Merlin took that to be a ‘no’. He took the time to change into pyjamas himself, though, and to clean his teeth, and by the time he crawled into bed, Arthur was already asleep.

“Goodnight,” Merlin whispered before pressing a kiss to Arthur’s shoulder. He pulled the covers up over them and curled up, wrapping an arm around Arthur’s middle and pressing his forehead to Arthur’s back. Arthur was warm and close and breathing deeply, and it took no time at all for Merlin to drift off.

~~~~

In the morning, Merlin woke up in bed alone. He stretched out, enjoying the thought that it was Christmas, and then he remembered that Arthur should have been there with him.

Then he heard the front door close. He sat up, glancing around for any sign of Arthur, but all there was was an empty spot on the bed next to him.

“Oh, fuck,” Merlin muttered. Arthur must have changed his mind. He must have made a mistake, being as drunk as he was. He must have woken up in an absolute panic and tried to sneak out before Merlin woke up.

“Oh, fuck,” Merlin repeated. He lay back down and covered his face with his hands, breathing hard.

He’d thought he’d won the Christmas jackpot, but instead he’d ruined everything. Arthur was probably out on the street, walking home in the cold, absolutely hating Merlin.

Merlin grabbed his mobile and stared at it for a long, long moment before sending off a text.

_I’m so sorry_

Too distraught to stay in bed, Merlin rolled out and left his bedroom to get a glass of water—or maybe some vodka, if he had any.

He found Arthur in the kitchen, standing over the cooker and making scrambled eggs.

Arthur glanced over his shoulder and gave Merlin a radiant grin. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Merlin said blankly. “I thought you… didn’t you… I heard the door...”

“I went out to get eggs. Did you know your fridge is pathetically empty?”

“I… need to do the shopping.”

Arthur frowned. “Are you all right?”

“I’m… great,” Merlin realised. Arthur was still here. Arthur was making them breakfast. Maybe they hadn’t made a mistake after all. He stepped up and pressed a kiss to Arthur’s cheek. “Happy Christmas. You didn’t have to do all this.”

“‘All this’ is breakfast for me, too, mate,” Arthur said with a grin.

Merlin chuckled and stood behind Arthur, wrapping his arms around Arthur’s stomach and pressing a kiss to the back of Arthur’s neck. They stood like that as Arthur stirred the eggs, Arthur humming a Christmas carol and Merlin struggling not to smile so hard his cheeks hurt.

“Eggs are done,” Arthur finally said.

Merlin stepped away to get them some plates.

“Merlin,” Arthur said as Merlin set places for them at his table.

“Yeah.”

“What are you apologising for?”

Merlin looked up to see Arthur holding his mobile, looking amused.

Merlin flushed. “I… it’s a long story.”

“Do I look like I’m on my way out the door?” Arthur asked, holding up the pan of scrambled eggs he was holding.

“It doesn’t matter,” Merlin said. “I sent it by mistake.”

Arthur chuckled and crossed the kitchen to give Merlin a kiss. “You’re a weirdo.”

“I might be,” Merlin admitted. “Breakfast?”

“Breakfast,” Arthur agreed, giving Merlin’s bum a squeeze before dishing out the eggs.

They ate slowly, drawing out the meal as much as they could, neither of them wanting the morning to be over. They each had plans for Christmas—Merlin was going over to his mother’s for the afternoon, and Arthur to his father’s—but they didn’t want to be separated yet.

When the eggs were finally done and they ran out of excuses to prolong the inevitable, Arthur stood from the table and stretched.

“I should go,” he said, frowning. “I’ve got to get changed before I go to my dad’s.”

“You could just keep wearing that,” Merlin teased.

“24 hours—most of which were spent drunk—is long enough.” Arthur rounded the table and leaned down for a kiss. “I can come around tomorrow, if you’ll be home.”

“I’ll be home,” Merlin confirmed.

Arthur straightened up and turned to go, but Merlin reached out with his magic, keeping Arthur in place. Arthur struggled against the invisible grip, laughing, and Merlin stood and replaced his magic by wrapping his arms around Arthur.

“I’ll miss you,” he whispered.

Arthur kissed a slow trail from Merlin’s ear to his mouth. “I’ll miss you, too. Tomorrow, though.”

“Tomorrow,” Merlin agreed. “Don’t show up drunk.”

Arthur chuckled and nipped at Merlin’s lower lip, making him gasp. “I wouldn’t dare.”

They stood there for a moment, wrapped in each other, until Arthur finally pulled away.

“I do have to go,” he said, sounding guilty.

“I know. I have to get a move on, as well.”

Arthur collected their plates and dumped them in the kitchen sink, and then he headed for the front door.

“Is Morgana going to be there?” Merlin asked, helping Arthur into his coat.

“Yeah. With Gwaine. Why?”

“Just… don’t listen to anything she says about me, yeah?”

Arthur laughed and pulled Merlin in for a kiss. “Don’t worry.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Arthur licked his lips and put his hand on the doorknob. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Merlin grinned at how obviously Arthur didn’t want to leave. “Tomorrow.”

Arthur nodded and opened the door. “Happy Christmas, Merlin.”

Merlin pulled Arthur in for a hug with his magic, letting it encompass him and fall over him and consume him. Arthur shivered, closing his eyes and leaning into Merlin.

“Happy Christmas, Arthur,” he said before letting go and pushing Arthur out the door. “Tomorrow.”

Arthur grinned and left, waving back at Merlin as he disappeared down the stairs. Merlin watched him leave, the promise of the next day hanging heavy in the doorway. Then, smiling madly because he’d just had the best Christmas morning of his life, Merlin went to get ready for the rest of his day.


End file.
